Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
