We named our party play list daddy issues
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
