I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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