I love black thongs
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
