note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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