Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
