You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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