smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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