He told me they were just razor bumps!
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
