Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
