its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize