Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So much rum. So many feels.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
