i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
