I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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