just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
