and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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