Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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