awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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