i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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