I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
