So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize