Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
try to milk me bitch
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
