in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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