He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
