I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
