I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
