it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize