im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
