You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize