if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
