So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize