Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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