im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
