i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize