ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
