She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
