He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
