I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
