My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize