Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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