good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize