So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
