Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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