this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize