"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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