there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize