Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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