i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
