The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
