That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
