Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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