You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
if only i could text you this smell
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
