i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
