where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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