When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
