Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
