I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you inspire me to be a worse person
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
