Bisexual people are plain selfish.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
