Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
