D3 body, D1 cock
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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