dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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