He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize