A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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