Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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