I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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