Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize