ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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