dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
