Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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