Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
