i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
