nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
