i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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