She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
being pregnant is like rehab
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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