Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
