I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
