tell your sister to shave her snatch
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
