why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
