I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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