so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize