tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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