it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
