Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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