Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
