just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
