No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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