Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
