i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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