have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
