conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
