you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
