We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
