i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
