At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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