Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
