i would punch a child for taco bell
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
